I don’t like having a bunch of boys in the house for thanksgiving…there’s pee all over the toilet bowl.
If you have a cart on Black Friday I hate you. There are a shit ton of people crammed into a small aisle, and then you fuckers think you’re going to get your cart through there! If you can’t carry it then you don’t get it, those would be my rules; you better bring your fucking kids and make them carry something!
On that note, I had a woman hit the back of me at least 5 times with her cart. It wasn’t completely her fault because she was trying to get out of the way of someone else with a cart that was going the wrong way. It’s like a fucking road people; each side is for one direction. Those people probably can’t drive either.
I always think it’s funny when people post a status or something about how much they love their significant other and how they’re going to be together forever and then a few hours later they break up.
A guy came out of Lincoln and proceeded to talk for 10-15 minutes about the battle of Gettysburg. Sir, that’s really cool, but I’ve got a job to do.
Two of my coworkers were talking about AIDS and one of them seriously thought that it started specifically because of anal sex. When I told him he was wrong he said, “oh yeah, wasn’t it monkeys?” Implying that someone had sex with a monkey and then spread it to someone else. Just stop. Who teaches these people?
To my neighbors across the street, it’s Black Friday not 4th of July or New Years; why are you shooting off fireworks?
If you ever invite yourself to a gathering then you’re an asshole. Also, if you invite yourself and then don’t offer to pay for something, when the thing you’re doing costs $60 a person, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.
On that note, if you invite someone to a shindig without telling the people you’re originally going with then you’re an asshole too. Especially when that person is like the person described above.
I love hypocrites!
Apparently the video for my project got corrupted somehow, or my iMovie is just fucked up, but hours worth of work was thrown out the window.
I worked with 3 people that apparently don’t know how to talk above a whisper. It was like being in the middle of fucking “Horton Hears a Who” back there. I had to say “what?” about 5 times until I finally knew what they were saying.
Why do people spend money on trying to make their car look cool when they drive a stupid car? Hey cool rims…on your VW Beetle.
My group has to present on Friday and I had two of my group members ask me what day we had to go. Were they just planning on showing up and hoping they pick the right day?
If you read this every week then you probably remember me talking about Starbursts-and-a-Coke guy, the one who never brings a pen to class. He asked me for a pen on Tuesday and he said, “I’m sorry, I know I ask every time.” If you’re sorry then go buy a fucking pen and stop asking me!
We are getting our performance reviews at work and I’ve yet again gotten a less than great score on friendliness. Listen, how many times do I need to fucking talk about this? Just because I don’t smile like a fucking lunatic all the time doesn’t mean I’m not friendly! Just because I don’t like any if my coworkers doesn’t…no, I should probably get an unsatisfactory in that regard, but I’m fucking helpful as shit with the people I actually need to be nice to.
To the Verizon guy I talked to, you are a fucking idiot. You didn’t know shit! When I tell you I’m switching services and ask what day I need to shut off verizon so I don’t get another outrageous bill don’t try and sell me on how great you guys are! You and your company are a piece of shit. Fuck you very much!
Let me just make a quick comment on the AMC intro, the one where the theatre turns into a forest: who calmly sits there while everyone around them disappears. Then they’re just sitting there on a tree branch with no cup holders and bugs flying around in their faces. No.
Why are the opening credits 5 minutes long? We know who’s in the movie, they were in the first 4.
Robert Pattinson has awkward hands throughout the entire movie/series/his life.
Why is she running around the forest, hunting, in a dress?
That creepy ass baby! Why couldn’t they use a real one, did Kristen Stewart scare off all of the real children? They didn’t use a real face on that thing until 3/4 into the movie. Do you think they just passed around a sack of flour when they were filming the baby scenes?
Angry Kristen Stewart is incredibly awkward/amusing.
Why is it that right when Bella became a vampire she started dressing all fancy? Vampires can’t wear jeans? Seriously, at one point she was wearing a sweater/dress thing that barely covered her ass and leggings as pants….
That “main evil vampire” dude is creepy as fuck.
Why does that one blonde vampire look like a hooker? I think it’s the lips.
Does Carlisle force them to coordinate outfits? What’s with all of the blue and grey? What if Edward felt like wearing pink into the battle with the italian vampires?
What was that creepy laugh “main evil vampire” had when he first met the child vampire?
Old dude vampire (the one in the background up there) was having none of it, he really just wanted someone to kill him.
Once the threat of imminent death to her and her entire family was gone Bella went back to dressing like normal…
Thank you Verizon for rolling 2 bills into one, we love paying $405 dollars at once. So sweet.
I had a woman hand me a card for Mormon.org. Uhh…I think I’m good on the crazy, but thanks.
It’s always unfortunate when I’m watching Jeopardy and there’s one person who only answers 2 questions and gets them both wrong. Then he, the history teacher, chooses American history and doesn’t get the questions right.
My manager asked me if I was happy to be at work, because clearly I was ready to kill someone. I didn’t realize I needed to bring my fucking pom-poms with me. This isn’t cheerleading camp, get off my case.
I set down a box for a coworker to use and she says, “I don’t know how to open that.” *Rips off tape*
A woman, at least 25 years old, and her mother wanted a refund because they didn’t realize Flight would “be like that.” They were upset because within the first 5 minutes “you see full frontal nudity of a woman and she walks back and forth 4 times before she climbs on top of him.” Well clearly at least one of you has had sex before, or else the other one wouldn’t be there, and both of you have seen at least one naked woman in your lifetime unless you don’t use mirrors…so what’s the problem?
A girl I work with told us that she wasn’t interested in another guy we work with and her proof was, “I’m on this thing with two other guys right now.” Hey now!
Two girls asked one of my coworkers if our curly fries were curled before or after we cooked them. Yeah I’m back there with a fucking curling iron curling each one individually.
Ladies lay off the perfume a little bit. If you were kidnapped all I’d have to do is follow your obnoxious scent to find you. So, unless you plan on being kidnapped some time soon, in which case your perfume would help, knock it off.
The hell that is Twilight has started, and I already hated it about 5 minutes into my shift last night.
You’d think we had Hansel and Gretel at the theatre with all the fucking popcorn trails going on.
I think I still have a headache from all the girls and 40 year old women screaming. Your friends are right next to you, you don’t need to yell.
A woman spilled her drink and after I got done cleaning it up she proceeded to show me apps that she has on her phone.
I’m confused by the fashion choices of almost every single female that was at the premiere. Why is your makeup done, but you look like you just rolled out of bed? You couldn’t just go for one look or the other? Completely dressed up or completely not dressed up, you need to choose.
A chick bought tickets for the premiere, which started at 10 and I shit you not she showed up at 11…we were already closed. I just said, “You didn’t know it was at ten?” When really I was thinking, “Are you kidding me? We only have 20 signs up that say 10pm on it and your fucking tickets say 10pm.” She’s like, “You guys didn’t do it like that last year.” Guess what? IT’S NOT LAST YEAR!
I’m just throwing this out there, but I’m glad women’s periods only synch up based on time and not how many of them are in the same room. That shit would be insane at Twilight premieres. So. Many. Women.
One of the worst parts about premieres is the bombardment of stupid questions. Yeah, you can fucking leave if you still have your ticket stub. No, you can’t switch theaters to sit with your little friends. No, ma’am you can’t keep that miniature bottle of champagne. Yes sir, I do understand that there are barely any seats left; that’s what happens when you come to premieres.
A guy in my group said I was insensitive. Yeah, well you’re unreliable, we’ve all got flaws. Unfortunately, yours is more of a pain in the ass.
Food should be banned in the library. One guy walked in with chicken express and the other was across from me smacking what I can only assume was some kind of jerky.
I’ve discovered why I never go to the library…I get distracted by all of the nonsense going on. Quiet my ass!
One good thing about traffic: watching the old guy behind me rock out.
So many older women work at Hobby Lobby. If you could smell menopause, that place would reek of it.
When we were cleaning a theatre we found fingernail clippings. Because clearly the best time to clip your nails is during a movie.
To the semi that cut into my lane, the guy who stopped in the middle of the road so he could turn, and the guy in the big ass truck who cut into my lane: can you dicks learn how to drive!
I was in line to buy my tassel, without the bling, and the people behind me were talking about rape whistles. The girl was telling the guy that companies that manufacture rape whistles really want rape to happen because if it stops they’ll go out of business. Because those companies couldn’t possibly be making any other kind of whistle…
Dear Taylor Swift, listen up girl. How many songs have you made about boys not treating you right? How about you just cry over a pint of ice cream and get over it. We don’t need hundreds of songs about how mean boys are. Even better idea, stop dating douche bags. If you seriously went into a relationship with John Mayer and expected him to be prince charming then you’re delusional.
I don’t understand the ladies who wear dresses when it’s 30 degrees out. The only reason for that should be that they don’t own pants, and that’s just weird…so still not acceptable.
I had to book a table for my project and the girl filling out the slip wrote psychology as ssychology. What? I mean really, when has there ever been a word in the english language that starts with two Ss? She was so confident about it too, no hesitation or scratching it out. Clearly she isn’t an english or psychology major.
My 70 something year old professor was talking about retirement and leisure activities and he said, “my leisure activities are pretty costly.” Hookers.
I was walking across campus and a song came on that said “love is blind..” at that same time I looked over and saw a blind man.
Twilight is coming out, which means I should have a lot of good stuff for the blog for the next few weeks. Those people are crazy.
You know you live in the good part of town when the police use the McDonald’s down the street to set up for a sting, and by that I mean putting their vests on and checking their weapons. Good stuff.
The guy who asked me for a pen last week, starbursts and a coke guy, asked me again. This time he needed it to do the crossword. Stop it.
Having to wait for something to be delivered or for someone to come fix something is the most ridiculous thing. Don’t worry, I didn’t have anything to do between the hours of 2pm-6pm.
I walked into work and the first thing my coworker said was, “did you see the new kid? He looks like twilight.” Well that’s a movie, a time of day, and not at all a way to describe a person.
My coworker was talking to our supervisor and said, “well you’re a pregnant female…” As opposed to a pregnant male?
The only reason I like dealing with stupid people is because I have something to entertain you all with. They’re talking and I’m just thinking:
I was called doll face and love bug all in the same day.
Customers can take a survey online and make comments about what they liked or didn’t like about AMC, and our managers post the comments on a board for us to see. This week someone started it off with “The greeter was pleasant and very pretty…” That’s not really what we were looking for.
I had to work an 11 hour shift on Saturday and my feet were killing me. How do hookers do it, especially in those heels they wear?
A girl I can’t stand told me she loved me, you know the whole “your so funny, I love you” kind of thing. I didn’t say anything so she asked if I loved her.
We were talking about rape and the myth that women are asking for it, and of course some guy has to say that women should know better than to walk in dark alleys. I’m not sure if he’s just that stupid or he’s just an asshole. Clearly I should not get raped instead of some asshole not raping me.
We took a quiz in my Roman Civ class and of course guy-who-brings-nothing-to-class needed to borrow a pencil. Don’t worry though, he had his package of starbursts and a crossword that he completed with the borrowed pencil. Yeah, this happened twice in one blog week.
You wanna know what that asshole did with his starburst wrappers? He started folding them like he was trying to make some fucking origami.
Next time he asks me:
We were talking about phobias in class and my professor said she was afraid of cats because they’re sneaky.
I’m terrible at talking on the phone and I hate it! It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to it just does not work for me. I’m the type of person who doesn’t say anything if I don’t have anything to say; I don’t talk just to fill the silence. I can handle silences in person, but over the phone it just seems super weird.
You know what’s weird to me? Seeing Asians smoke. I don’t know why, but that’s a weird concept to me. I just don’t see it often.
I love when I get a professor who has a sense of humor. My history professor called the wife of a Roman commander a whore. That’s quality teaching right there.
The guy driving in front of me had his windshield wipers on full power; he wasn’t cleaning his windshield and it wasn’t raining.
My mom asked me to look up what time a place closed, and their website said 11am-close. Well that’s super helpful. I guess you just have to hope you make it before they decide its closing time.
How do people not know how to sweep? A girl I work with doesn’t and some girl at Yogurt Story was not capable of it either. It’s not rocket science.
I love when middle aged people, mainly my mom and her friends, apologize for cussing. Yes, I’m extremely offended by what you’re saying, my virgin ears can’t handle it.
I asked a guy in my group if he turned in a form we needed and he said he hadn’t. I then asked if there was a deadline we needed to meet and he said, “November 7th is still two weeks away.” That’s not what I fucking asked you! I have a calendar, I don’t need you to remind me. Pshh, trying to make me seem like I’m being unreasonable by asking if he’s turned in a form we NEED to turn in. Sorry I’m the only one who apparently cares about this project, asshole.
Facebook keeps putting an ad in my newsfeed reminding me to sign up for the GRE. Give it up Facebook, I’m not going to grad school. Hop up off!
I can’t stand people who smoke in public places (bars). Just because you’re ok with smelling like an ashtray doesn’t mean that I am.
One good thing about being out late and completely sober is driving home and looking at the shit people have gotten themselves into. You know when someone is surrounded by 4 cop cars that they’re in some deep shit. Here, you’ll need some of this…
My sister and I pulled into the drive thru and when we got to the window the lady is talking on her cell phone; while holding our bag of food she says, “hold on.” After about a minute she gives us the food and says, “sorry for the wait.”
I tried studying for a test after moving into my house all day (8am-9pm); I got through about 2 pages and next thing I know I’m drooling all over myself.
I went to the campus bookstore to get a tassel for graduation and the guy told me they had a bling tassel if I wanted that. I can’t tell you how excited I was to hear that!
To the guy who had to borrow my pen because the only thing he brought to class was a coke and a package of starbursts, which he unwrapped and smacked like a camel throughout the whole class: