Take Notes, Kids

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Last week my coworker told me what might be the funniest story I’ve ever heard, and I wanted to share it with you all. (As I’m typing it I realize that it sounds really serious and it is, but the way she told it was hilarious. Nothing happened to her, so it’s ok to laugh.) A little background on my coworker: she’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever met, but she’s also young, naive, and innocent, which doesn’t bode well for the situation she gets herself into. This is her story:

Her and her friend are both 18 so they decide they’ll go to a club; they’re sitting there in a corner drinking water when two guys come up to them. These guys tell them that they are Dolphin trainers from Holland (I’m sure), that they are stopping in Dallas on their way to San Antonio. While they’re talking to these guys their friend, a third dude from Holland, who is sitting at the bar, sends over drinks for the girls to drink. At this point, my coworker tells me that she’s pretty sure that they were probably trying to roofie them, so they don’t drink them 1)because thank God, they’re smarter than that 2)she’s too innocent to drink when she’s underage. Even after that, they continue talking to these guys for a total of 20 minutes until finally my coworker fakes a phone call from her mother saying that their sister is sick and that they need to go. They tell my coworker that in Holland it’s custom to kiss people on the cheek three times to say goodbye (and I’m sure by cheek they really meant their dick), and my coworker fucking does it because she’s too nice to say, “get the fuck out of my face!/well, here in America we don’t do that!” I asked her why she did it, and why she continued talking to them in the first place and she said, “they were nice enough and they were kind of cute…one looked like a human version of Frankenstein (the monster, and yeah I fucking know Frankenstein is the doctor’s name but I don’t fucking care you know what I/she means).” When I asked her what a human Frankenstein looks like she said, “well, he was tall.” I’m not real sure what a human Frankenstein would look like (apparently you only need to be tall to qualify), and I sure as hell don’t know how you’d think he’s cute. I already think this is fucking creepy and then she tells me that they follow them out into the parking lot trying to get them to go back inside. She said her friend had pepper spray in her hand; I told her, “at that point you turn around, spray those fuckers in the face and say, “welcome to America, assholes!” They didn’t spray them, but when they saw the pepper spray they turned around and went inside.

After she told me this story, I told my supervisor and we proceeded to make references about Holland, penises, and sex. I think she learned to either, never go to clubs until she’s a little meaner or to never tell me a story. I certainly hope it’s the former, because her stories are hilarious.

The lesson here people is that when you think the person you’re talking to is creepy as hell you get the fuck out of there. I don’t care how nice of a person you are, if they’re following you into the parking lot you spray those fuckers in the face with pepper spray (kick them in the crotch for good measure) and leave.

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How Could We Be So Heartless?

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In light of the recent Kony 2012 explosion on the internet, I thought I would share my experience, thoughts, what have you, on the subject.

I’ve got to be honest and tell you that I very seriously considered not watching the video at first; I didn’t know what it was about, but all the post said was that it was important and needed to be watched. Maybe it’s because I’m cynical, heartless, desensitized, or all of the above, but I usually don’t bother with stuff like that. Alas, I ended up watching it and crying for almost the entire 30 minutes. It was an extremely moving documentary and my crying probably had to do with the knowledge of what is happening to those people and the realization that I am a complete asshole. Continue reading

My Biggest Flaw?

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I think I’ve found the one aspect of myself that will be my down fall in life: I have too high of expectations for people; I would have said that I expect too much of people, but I don’t think I do. I just think that people should have a certain level of respect and common decency when it’s called for. If that’s asking too much of people then something is seriously wrong with mankind these days. It shouldn’t be a surprise that I had this epiphany after an incident with my brother, who might be the most lacking in respect, decency, and overall consideration for others. Continue reading

I Need A New Job

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Last Sunday I’m pretty sure a guy I work with wanted to punch me in the face, and I kind of wanted him to just so he would get fired and we’d be done with it. The problem with where I work is the fact that I work mainly with people who are under 20 years old, and they are a pain in the ass. Don’t get me wrong, I like some of the people I work with, but I’m not a big fan of people in general…so that doesn’t help my problem. Anyway, I got into a bit of a fight with this kid, and I say “a bit of a fight” because he was upset and I was not at all affected by the situation. Continue reading

Awkward Class Activities

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On the first week back in school I had one of those awkward classes where the professor makes you get together with someone else and you have to tell each other things about yourselves….it wasn’t fun. As you all should know by now, I’m usually a naturally shy person in social situations where I don’t know the other person; add to that the aspect of them asking me questions about myself that I have no idea how to answer, no thank you.

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Storytime with Alex: Roommate Woes

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If you’ve been paying attention to the blog the last week or so, you’ll notice that Amanda and I have started a M/W/F schedule with our posts. You also may have noticed (I doubt it) that I didn’t put one up yesterday. That is because I felt like death. Why did I feel like death, you ask (you didn’t)? I’ll tell you. But I’ll start with a little background info.

First, you should know that I have three roommates. Second, you need to know what the layout of our dorm looks like.

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Satan Is Out To Get Me

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Alex wanted me to share one of my horror stories from my time at AMC, so I’ll tell you about the only one I’ve ever really had. I had a calm first two years with the company; I happened to think I was pretty damn good at doing the stupid job, but that all changed when Chuntae arrived.

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