- Thank you Verizon for rolling 2 bills into one, we love paying $405 dollars at once. So sweet.
- I had a woman hand me a card for Mormon.org. Uhh…I think I’m good on the crazy, but thanks.
- It’s always unfortunate when I’m watching Jeopardy and there’s one person who only answers 2 questions and gets them both wrong. Then he, the history teacher, chooses American history and doesn’t get the questions right.
- My manager asked me if I was happy to be at work, because clearly I was ready to kill someone. I didn’t realize I needed to bring my fucking pom-poms with me. This isn’t cheerleading camp, get off my case.
- I set down a box for a coworker to use and she says, “I don’t know how to open that.” *Rips off tape*
- A woman, at least 25 years old, and her mother wanted a refund because they didn’t realize Flight would “be like that.” They were upset because within the first 5 minutes “you see full frontal nudity of a woman and she walks back and forth 4 times before she climbs on top of him.” Well clearly at least one of you has had sex before, or else the other one wouldn’t be there, and both of you have seen at least one naked woman in your lifetime unless you don’t use mirrors…so what’s the problem?
- A girl I work with told us that she wasn’t interested in another guy we work with and her proof was, “I’m on this thing with two other guys right now.” Hey now!
- Two girls asked one of my coworkers if our curly fries were curled before or after we cooked them. Yeah I’m back there with a fucking curling iron curling each one individually.
- Ladies lay off the perfume a little bit. If you were kidnapped all I’d have to do is follow your obnoxious scent to find you. So, unless you plan on being kidnapped some time soon, in which case your perfume would help, knock it off.