Random Thoughts of the Week: April 19th-25th

  • When the aluminum foil roll falls out of the box:


  • A girl came into my work for an interview and she brought a résumé with her, which was really just a list of a bunch of acting gigs she’s done. Also, under training she had a list of the acting coaches she’s had.


  • As serious and tragic as the events in Boston were, can we talk about how terrible the news coverage was? I mainly watched CNN and those idiots kept cutting away to “reporters” whose only breaking news was, “there are cops driving by at a high rate of speed with their lights on; something’s happening, Wolf!”

Stephen Colbert Boston1Stephen Colbert Boston 2Stephen Colbert Boston 3

  • One of my coworkers told another coworker of mine that I had this blog, and now all this girl does is ask if something she does is gonna be in the blog. I mean, it more than likely will because this girl is some kind of special (not in a good way), but still


  • I told someone “bless you” when they sneezed and then I had the thought that it’s weird that we all have different sneezes. Obviously, I’ve realized that before, but I’ve just never really thought about it.

Confused Mark

  • My coworker, who’s 15, got hit on by a guy who looked almost 30.


  • When people fly by you on the road and then get stuck behind the car directly in front of you…yeah, you got real far asshole.


  • If you’ve ever let your child, and by child I mean anyone who can barely avoid running into things (which sadly might include some adults), push the cart at the grocery store:

Fuck You Fuck You

  • There’s a girl I work with who asks people, multiple times, to cover at least one of her shifts every week. This girl also always complains about how she doesn’t have any friends….Are you really surprised? Because…

I'm Not

  • Anyone who whines about the littlest thing like it’s the end of the world should take a long hard look at themselves, because they’re acting like a little baby  (*cough* girl I work with mentioned in the above bullet point *cough*).

Ugly Cry

Random Thoughts of the Week: April 12th-18th

  • To the people who think their problems should be your problems:

Get Over Yourself

  • There was a guy driving like a mad man around me. He was on my ass and then he turned into where I was going; I was certain he was gonna get out and try and kill me once I parked. As you can tell from reading this, that didn’t happen. It was a close one.


  • Can we talk about Harrison Ford’s eyebrows in 42? They were like pillows; if he laid face down to sleep, his eyebrows would keep his face lofted high enough so that he wouldn’t suffocate.

Harrison Ford Eyebrows

What Is Happening

  • At work, a woman wanted to change her tickets to see a different movie because there were a bunch of kids going to see the first one she chose. We have to give a reason for refunds and I so badly wanted to put, “hates children.”

Just Sayin

  • The kids who yelled, “hey Easter bunny!” at me last weekend did it again this weekend. However, now they’ve just resorted to yelling “Easter bunny!” and pointing any time they see me. These kids don’t get it,

I Am The Enemy

  • I’m always amused when some who’s super annoying complains about someone else being annoying.


  • If you work in the service/retail industry and still act like an asshole, especially while out in public…

Slow Flip Off

  • I’m always confused, although slightly amused, by the men who are so buff that they can’t put their arms down all the way to their sides. They look ridiculous!

You're Wearing That

  • I always get at least one person, but usually like 50 people, who always get extremely close to me when I’m working. You can stand a few feet away and I’ll still be able to help you, so

Back Off

  • A girl I work with is too nice for her own good. Seriously, she got suckered into going to prom with a guy she can’t stand because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying no. This same guy texts her constantly and won’t leave her alone because he likes her, but she won’t tell him that they’ll only ever be just friends. She’s over there all

Mean Girls Speech

  • My friend asked me why they straightened Jesse Eisenberg’s hair in the Now You See Me movie and I’m pretty sure it’s because no one would take him seriously with his curly hair.

Jesse Eisenberg Shrug

  • That moment when you hope a woman’s shitty attitude is just because it’s that time of month, but then you realize their period can’t possibly last all month.

Bitch Crazy

  • While in line to checkout at Walmart, the woman in front of me decided that since they were out of stock of the fan she wanted she’d just take the display and try to buy it. If you’re wondering how it turned out, it didn’t.

Are You An Idiot

  • I may be 22 years old, but give me some bubble wrap and I’ll be entertained for as long as it takes to pop it all.

I'm an Adult

  • A few minutes before we closed the building at work, my coworker started to leave (she had a closing shift) saying, “I’m gonna go now.” To which I said, “uhh when did you start running this place? We don’t close until 8:15.” Then she tried explaining that by her clock it was 8:15. Slow your roll bitch, we’re closed when they lock the doors and turn off the lights. Someone took Beyonce’s Run The World (Girls) song a little too literally.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Random Thoughts of the Week: April 5th-11th

  • To the one or two specific birds that always sit right outside my window and make their fucking noises: I’m going to buy a gun specifically to shoot you. I can’t sleep with you assholes being so noisy!

Pillow Over Face

  • I can’t decide if I’m more frustrated by people’s bouts of crazy, or more pleased because it makes me feel really fucking sane.

What Can I SayLoco

  • Two kids, who saw me as the bunny on Easter weekend, saw me working this past weekend and repeatedly yelled out, “hey, it’s the Easter Bunny!”

Kill Me

  • I got in my car after work on Friday night, and when I turned my headlights on there was a guy sitting and staring at me from the car parked in front of me.

Jack Shock

  • A girl I’m friends with on Facebook had the status, “if there are people on the side of the road picking up trash, and I throw trash out my window would it still be considered littering since they’ll be there to pick it up?” Huh, well if I run you over with my car in front of a cop is it still considered vehicular manslaughter?

Shut The Fuck Up

  • My eyebrow muscle/muscle of my eyebrow, whatever you want to call it, has been spasming for the past 5 days. Looks like my constant scowling is catching up with me.

Crazy Eyebrows

  • In the top 10 of the-things-I-find-awkward-list, which is an incredibly long list: when someone repeatedly tries to be funny/sarcastic and no one laughs.

Group Huh?

  • I’m pretty sure I almost made one of my coworkers cry last week, but if he’d stop being an idiot I wouldn’t feel the need to give him such a hard time. Seriously, just stop saying/doing stupid shit…it’s that easy.

No Patience For Stupidity


  • I like watching movies I watched as a kid now and seeing all the things that don’t make sense. For instance, I watched Jurassic Park last weekend, and I’ll never be able to watch it without questioning how long the boat trip for all the people who would visit Jurassic Park would be, why that girl wouldn’t turn off her flashlight, or how she reached that tub of ice cream when it was all the way on the other end of the table. Life’s biggest mysteries…

Side Eyed 

Random Thoughts of the Week: March 29th-April 4th

  • A woman gave me sass about how slow my printer was printing her tickets after she cut in front of people in line. Listen lady, sorry that you’re running late but that doesn’t give you free reign to be a fucking bitch.

Fuck This Bitch

  • While dressed as the bunny, a woman made me hold her 10 month old child so we could take a picture and when she passed him over to me he immediately started crying.

Got Any Other Bad Ideas?

  • A woman handed me money out of her bra…

Get Out

  • A girl I work with randomly turned to me and said, “don’t say anything to make me cry, but you don’t like me very much do you?”

I Have No Idea How to Respond to That

  • A conversation I heard between a 20 something year old and her mom: “I should call dad and ask him if he took his girlfriend Easter egg hunting.”

Ooh, Burn!

  • My sister has started posting like a crazy person on her Wedding board on Pinterest again, and I know what that means….thing is, she’s been with her boyfriend for 5 months.

Zoom in Umm

  • Whoever came up with the phrase “the customer is always right” should be slapped. Listen people, what you want and what you’re telling me you want are apparently different things and you need to get your shit together. Don’t get pissy with me when you tell me one thing, I get that for you, and then you tell me that you said you wanted this and not that. No, I got you what you told me you wanted.

You're Not Just Wrong You're Stupid

  • I’ve never understood people who do things just to get attention, especially the ones who act dumb. I know what you’re doing I see through it and I refuse to give you the attention you want. I will not enable your idiotic behavior!

Why Do You Have To Be Annoying?

  • Any time someone, other than my friends and family, asks, “Guess what?” the response that immediately happens in my head:

I Think I Know