- To the one or two specific birds that always sit right outside my window and make their fucking noises: I’m going to buy a gun specifically to shoot you. I can’t sleep with you assholes being so noisy!
- I can’t decide if I’m more frustrated by people’s bouts of crazy, or more pleased because it makes me feel really fucking sane.
- Two kids, who saw me as the bunny on Easter weekend, saw me working this past weekend and repeatedly yelled out, “hey, it’s the Easter Bunny!”
- I got in my car after work on Friday night, and when I turned my headlights on there was a guy sitting and staring at me from the car parked in front of me.
- A girl I’m friends with on Facebook had the status, “if there are people on the side of the road picking up trash, and I throw trash out my window would it still be considered littering since they’ll be there to pick it up?” Huh, well if I run you over with my car in front of a cop is it still considered vehicular manslaughter?
- My eyebrow muscle/muscle of my eyebrow, whatever you want to call it, has been spasming for the past 5 days. Looks like my constant scowling is catching up with me.
- In the top 10 of the-things-I-find-awkward-list, which is an incredibly long list: when someone repeatedly tries to be funny/sarcastic and no one laughs.
- I’m pretty sure I almost made one of my coworkers cry last week, but if he’d stop being an idiot I wouldn’t feel the need to give him such a hard time. Seriously, just stop saying/doing stupid shit…it’s that easy.
- I like watching movies I watched as a kid now and seeing all the things that don’t make sense. For instance, I watched Jurassic Park last weekend, and I’ll never be able to watch it without questioning how long the boat trip for all the people who would visit Jurassic Park would be, why that girl wouldn’t turn off her flashlight, or how she reached that tub of ice cream when it was all the way on the other end of the table. Life’s biggest mysteries…