Random Thoughts of the Week: May 25th-31st

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So it’ been a slow week for me this time around. I haven’t been in school and I didn’t work this weekend, so it’s safe to say I didn’t have to interact with too many idiots; that just means that I have less to entertain you with this week.

  • Burning your tongue is a terrible, terrible thing. I seriously think it could be used as a form of torture. It ruins the tastiness of food for at least a couple of days.

  • Do you ever look at someone and think to yourself, “how in the world do they have friends?”

  • I had an old man lose his dentures at my work the other day. Yeah, his dentures. I don’t even know how that happens, because the way he was talking to me about it over the phone made it seem like they just fell out while he was eating and he just forgot about them. After I got off the phone with him I went to go look for them, and I found them on the floor where he told me he had been sitting. I regret this now, but I just picked them up and started walking through the building with them. It probably looked like I just murdered a poor old man and took his teeth for a trophy. It was incredibly disturbing.

  • I’m not sure what is with children these days. I talked to some random 14 year olds 3 days in a row and each and every one of them gave me way too much information about their life with no prompting whatsoever. I’m pretty sure that I barely even talked to my friends when I was 14, let alone to complete strangers.

  • I don’t like when I ask someone a question and they give me completely pointless and useless information on their way to giving me the actual answer. I don’t need your life story, just get to the point.

  • I’m genuinely surprised by people’s stupidity sometimes, and I really shouldn’t be at this point. I wonder how some people manage to even graduate high school. Do these people just not care how stupid they are and how other people see them? I’m mortified when I make the slightest spelling error or don’t know some sort of information that I should, and yet there are so many fucking people who are above the age of 15 who appear to have the intelligence of a 5 year old. How are they not ashamed or embarrassed of themselves? Seriously you know how you can stop sounding like such a dumbass?

Random Thoughts of the Week: May 18th- 24th

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  • Boys and their knives; it’s like they’re comparing their penises. “Oh let me whip mine out…mine’s bigger and better than your’s is and can ‘stab’ things better!”
  • I just realized the other day that I never really spent anytime with my friends outside of school as a kid. I always see groups of children getting dropped off by their parents and running around together. I never did that; I think I just spent all my time  hanging out with my parents.

  • It’s usually not a good sign when your parents have a better social life when you do. For instance, this past weekend I was sitting at home while my parents were out until midnight or later two nights in a row.

  • If I don’t acknowledge that you’re talking to me the first time, don’t continue to try and talk to me. I’m ignoring you for a reason.

  • I’m fairly certain that my OCD is keeping me from having a badass hairstyle going on. My hair (seriously, every single hair) has to be perfectly placed or else I get frustrated.

  • I don’t like people who don’t use their eyes and read the signs that are right in front of them…and I’m not being metaphorical. I mean the people who ask you a question that is clearly explained by a sign that has big ass lettering telling you what to do. It’s not that hard. I know that the school system sucks balls, but I’m pretty sure that they’re teaching everyone how to read basic english.

  • Apparently over the past few years I have come to a point where I get a sunburn from being outside for like 5 minutes…no joke. I went to high school with a kid who had to wear sunscreen just to walk into school, and I laughed about that. Not so funny now, and it gets worse because I drive with my windows down and my arm out the window. Needless to say, my left arm is “darker” than my right arm.

  • I hate public restrooms. I avoid them at all costs, even if it means risking a bladder infection.
  • Kids with manners are the only kind of kids I can remotely stand. I was walking to my car after out last soccer game and one of the kids on my soccer team ran up to me and said in the softest voice ever, “coach…thank you.”He was also my favorite of all the kids, not hard to see why when you compare him to the evil ginger that I’ve talked about a few times.

Random Thoughts of the Week: May 11th-17th

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  • Recently, everyone I work with has been reading this blog and some of them have been asking me if they’re going to make the blog; they’re really excited about it too. I try explaining that it’s clearly not a positive thing to wind up in this blog, but they keep on asking. So here you go, you’re mentioned; now stop asking me after every time you do something stupid.

  • I can’t stand people who say, “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

  • I’m glad people working drive-thrus can’t see my face when I’m ordering; all they would see is me being annoyed and frustrated.

  • I can’t stand people who refuse to listen to an explanation because they’re certain they’re right. Don’t ask me a question if you won’t let me tell you the answer or if I tell you the answer and you continually tell me I’m wrong! Clearly you know more than me on a subject that you have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m specifically talking to you, cranky ass old woman who was giving me shit.

  • I really love when someone calls up to my work and right after I finish saying “AMC Highland Village 12, how can I help you?” they ask me if this is the AMC in highland village…

  • It’s always an awkward time when you make an inappropriate joke around someone who was sheltered as a child. They clearly don’t know what you’re talking about, and they either let out an obvious fake laugh or they stand there completely awkward and ask you what you mean.

  • I’m glad that they’ve made the adhesive on envelopes taste better; I was not a fan of the other stuff.

  • Am I the only person who wonders what the hell people were thinking when they decided to be in certain commercials? Herpes medication, erectile dysfunction medication, preparation H…seriously, why?

Random Thoughts of the Week: May 4th-10th

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  • I was just thinking that it’s got to be unfortunate to date Kanye West. Think about it, they’re probably in the middle of having sex and he’s all like, “Imma let you finish, but…”

  • I hate the moment when I find out who I’m working with, because 95% of the time it’s with someone I can’t stand. My HR manager must get a kick out of it.

  • It’s always awkward when girls don’t know if they should hug a guy or not so they go for the weird high five.

  • You know how they always say, children are the future? We should be scared, because that sounds terrible.

  • Nothing should ever start at 8AM or earlier. School (especially finals), work, whatever else it is that you do. It’s cruel and unnecessary. What will waiting until 9 really hurt? I think we’d all be better off.

  • I don’t understand how anyone can show up for a test without a scantron. They’ve known there was going to be a test ever since the first day of class. How difficult is it to go to the bookstore and buy a package for $2? I give people scantrons like a creep gives out free candy. Yeah, I made that joke…get over it.

  • I was walking to a completely empty soccer field, about 10 minutes before practice, and an older kid asked me if I was waiting on my soccer team. I told him that I was and he provided me with this: “they aren’t here yet.”

  • I’m always a little surprised when I have the thought that I’m going to miss some people from my classes once the semester is over.

  • I hate that moment when you see a bug crawling around and then you look away for a minute (probably to grab a shoe) and when you look back it’s gone…that’s when the oh-my-god-where-did-it-go-it-is-going-to-crawl-in-my-mouth-while-i-am-sleeping moment happens.

  • I find it amusing that some of the people who criticize my tattoos are people who smoke. They say, “oh that’ll look great when you’re 80.” Too bad you won’t be around to see it because you’ll probably be dead from lung cancer. At least my tattoos don’t have the possibility to kill me; shame you can’t say the same.

Random Thoughts of the Week: April 27th-May 3rd

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  • Feminist chick was talking to another girl in our psych of the offender class, about things that have happened in our sexual behavior class. Can I just say that I can’t wait until I never see or hear this girl ever again.

  • We watched a montage of terrible American Idol auditions in class the other day. I usually mute the TV when those come on, but I couldn’t really do that this time. I mean, are these people serious? Do they seriously believe that they can sing remotely well enough to make it? I was forced to suffer through almost 5 minutes of it, not great.

  • If you keep slurping on your drink after the cup is clearly empty I automatically want to punch you in the face.

  • If there’s a class discussion going on and you raise your hand and start off with “this isn’t on topic, but…” Just stop; don’t bother.

  • Two days after I posted in the blog about getting comments about not being excited my boss asked me if I knew how to smile. I told him that I did, but I just choose not to.

  • If you’re going to make assumptions you better make sure you’re at least 95% sure that you’re right about it. Actually, let me change that. If you’re going to voice your assumptions, you had better be right; I make wrong assumptions all the time, but I don’t voice them (except to myself). I have a strong urge to throw down with people who come at me with attitude because they think they know something.

  • Speaking of assumptions, I’m assuming some little kid slammed open their parents car door and hit my door with it. I have three big ass white marks on my driver’s side door and it happened while I was coaching my youth soccer team, which leads me to assume that it was a child. Fucking kids…

  • Another gem from the feminist chick: “in women’s prison, the prisoners aren’t given tampons or pads; they have to buy them.” She is a wealth of feministic knowledge.

  • I was buying a package of scantrons and as I was going through my wallet the cashier asked, “will that be credit, debit, or cash?” I told her, “coins.”

  • My mother refers to herself as “Grammy” when talking to my siblings’ pets. The phrase I hear the most is “come to Grammy!” I can only imagine how excited she’s going to be when they have children.