Random Thoughts of the Week: February 28th-March 6th

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  • I’ve decided that I’m going to write a book with all the stories I have from my time at my new job; it’s going to be titled Jail Tales. I already have so many stories I want to share, but I also don’t want to get fired.

I don't know

  • I was driving through a parking lot with my windows down and heard a woman yelling from 20 feet away…the kicker? She was sitting in her truck with her widows rolled up.

You Need to Cool It

•Why is it that companies use that plastic packaging that is impossible to get into? Seriously, scissors can barely even cut that shit open and even if it does then you end up cutting your hand when you’re trying to pry it apart. No product is even worth that kind of struggle.

I Give Up•Someone rang my doorbell, which I learned early on not to answer because those little assholes are always just trying to sell something. This time however, it was apparently a couple of realtors, and when I didn’t answer they decided that my “not being home” gave them free reign to go into my backyard and wander about.

Get Out•My brother pulled one of his nose hairs out and was jokingly trying to put it on me when I said, “eww it’s long!” My mom said, “oh I thought you were talking about something else.”

What? No No No•I had to actively avoid driving near a drunk driver going 80 and swerving all over the road. Come on, people! You’re not just gonna get yourself killed with that idiotic decision.

Amy Poehler Really?•There is an ad for some random bar that plays on the radio with the tagline, “we put the f-u in fun.” What does that even mean? We put the fuck you in fun? Is that what they’re saying?

That Is Stupid

•I saw an article the other day about a snake eating an entire crocodile whole.

Terrified

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