Random Thoughts of the Week: February 21st-27th

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•We have one of those little clock displays that say “we’re closed until…” and it was sitting in the window even though we were obviously open. So of course multiple jackasses feel the need to say, “oh it says you’re still closed hahaha.” I didn’t realize I needed to explain.

Let Me Spell It Out For You Go To Hell•I got my friend a present from Bed Bath & Beyond and of course my cheap ass totally took advantage of their free gift wrapping station. That was where I found out that I am self conscious about my wrapping ability, because I know the woman at the station next to me was totally judging me.

Don't judge me, okay.•I was walking through Walmart and apparently someone thought it was a brilliant idea to display shot glasses next to the juice. Is it so all the 16 and pregnant moms can make their kids feel included when they’re doing shots by having them do shots of juice with them?
•My friend looked at me and said, “your hair actually looks good.” Actually? Actually? What the hell does that mean?

What No Stop•I hate the phrase “hit the head.” What the fuck does that even mean? Are you gonna go hit the head of your penis against something for a couple minutes? I don’t get it and it’s stupid.

Huh•Any time I see that someone has their gas cap open at a stop light I want to get out and close it for them. Then I realize that I live in gun-loving-Texas and if I walked up on someone’s car they would probably end up killing me. I think I’ll pass.

Nah Ah Ah

  • I can’t even begin to explain the amount of information that was forced into my brain during the orientation for my new job.

Headache

  • I told my sister that my grandma has the hard copies all of the Nicolas Sparks’ books and she said, “what’s a hard copy?”

Tell me you're not serious

  • My mom was telling a story and said, “…where was he at?” Uhh Mom, you’re the one telling the story.

Lucy Confused

 

  • Hopefully I can share some good stories from my new job…keep your fingers crossed.

I Hope

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