Well Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, so let me start by saying that if you’re the type of person who asks someone what they’re doing on Valentine’s Day then you need to stop. It’s fucking Valentine’s Day what do you think a person’s plans are? There are really only two options: 1)That person is single (which you probably already know so why are you asking anyway) and they’ll be sitting at home watching Netflix or 2) They’re going to dinner with they’re boyfriend/girlfriend and then having sex. What is there to be curious about?
I was at work watching it snow and I thought to myself, “well it’s starting to stop…” and then I spent the next five minutes thinking about how weird it is to say that something is starting to stop.
A new kid called up to work the day it snowed and said that he was supposed to come up that night to fill out paperwork, but that since the roads were bad (which they weren’t) he couldn’t make it in. Clearly they hired a real winner with that one.
A woman offered to pay for her two friends, as well as herself, and then her card got declined. Talk about awkward.
A couple asked me how long a restaurant, that’s across the street from my work, had been there. Four years, it’s been there for at least four years. How have you missed seeing an entire building for four years?!
A 17 year old girl walked up to me at work and asked, “are you guys open?”
I had to pee in a cup for a drug test, and let me tell you, someone should have invented a better way for women to pee in a cup by now. Like, can I get a funnel or something so I’m not sitting there moving the cup around trying to catch enough pee to pass the line?
The moment you realize it’s gonna be one of those days.
I had a guy tell me that he used to see movies for 50 cents, which he said while wearing his fancy clothes and holding the keys to his fancy car in his hands.
I was watching the Olympics, and they showed Vladimir Putin shaking hands with some of the American athletes and I thought to myself, “He is not a person that I would want to meet.” Seriously, if they said, “hey Vladimir Putin wants to meet you…” My only response before running off would be:
I saw a no smoking ad recently where a girl goes to buy a pack of cigarettes, but doesn’t have enough money and the cashier says, “you need more.” So the girl peels some skin off of her face! I guess that’s one way to keep kids from smoking.