Random Thoughts of the Week: January 24th-30th

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•Apparently, in Ohio some guy got interrogated by Homeland Security because he was wearing his Google Glass while he was watching a movie at a theater. This lead some guy to call my work and say that he was going to be wearing his Google Glass when he came to see his movie, and that if we gave him any trouble about it he would use his power as “Boy Scout leader” to have millions of people boycott our company. That guy is obviously a terrific influence for kids; “oh there are rules you don’t think you should have to follow, kids? Become unreasonable and threaten the people who are just trying to do their jobs and enforce their company’s policies.”

Fuck Yourself•My mom thinks that I’m depressed because I don’t go out. Maybe I should go out, do some blow and really liven things up a bit…I think she thinks I’m just sitting at home, in the dark, crying.

Ice Cream and Crying•A woman asked me why whatever-the-hell-she-was-buying was so expensive. Fantastic question, maybe instead of asking me you should ask the CEO of the company….bitch.

Slow Flip Off

•Justin Bieber’s fans literally thought that DUI stood for drinking under the influence. I mean, really? Drinking under the influence?

Oh come on.•Why do people add a bunch of stupid shit to their shitty cars? Dude, you’re driving a fucking Neon…no one thinks you’re cooler because you have a louder muffler.

You Look Ridiculous•I hate when I’m at work and people are on their phones while I’m trying to help them. It’s just disrespectful, both to me and the other people behind you who have to wait for you to get off the phone.

She disrespected me. I'm gonna have to kill her.•A woman said to her friend, while I was standing in front of them, “girl, I’m going for all the calories…it’s not like anyone’s gonna be grabbing my ass any time soon.”

That's too much information!•A guy I work with apparently had nothing better to do, so he was just staring at me. So I told him to stop staring and go do something productive; the guy I was helping said, “well in his defense, I’d stand there and stare too.” The woman with him told me to ignore him, to which he responded with, “what? It’s bro code.”

Nope!

•There’s an infomercial that starts with “everyone loves bird watching…” Do they?

HUH? What•I saw a car broken down in front of a car dealership. I think the universe is trying to tell them something.

Not Great..•I was walking next to my friend and she randomly, and very seriously, said, “you always smell like Disney World.” What does that mean? Do I smell like children? Is that a compliment?

I'm confused.

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