Random Thoughts of the Week: December 13th-19th

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•Last week my sister and I were talking about what to get our parents for Christmas and she felt the need to remind me that Christmas is less than two weeks away. No shit? Is Christmas on the 25th this year? I had no idea.

Leslie shocked
•I had a dream where bees had somehow gotten under my skin and made a beehive in my arm. I then proceeded to pop it like a zit and the beehive came out, along with a massive amount of bees. I guess the term nightmare would’ve been more accurate.

THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!
•I was catching my brother up on a show and said, “he shot the sheriff….but not the deputy.” He didn’t find my joke via an Eric Clapton song reference funny.

It's fucking funny!•A kid I work with got a new hair cut and he was telling everyone it was his “Asian” haircut because “it’s the haircut that all Asians have.” I told him that that’s offensive/racist and he said, “well it’s not racist if it’s true.” I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works.

Zoom in Umm•We had a problem with one of our projectors at work so I was standing in the theatre looking at a black screen, waiting to see if the movie would start, and a guy walked up to me and said, “do you know that the screen’s going out?” Oh is that why the screen is blank? Thank you, kind sir, for enlightening me.

Dude, go shit in your hand•Some guys were upset about this kid cussing out his “girlfriend,” even though I’m pretty sure it was just his friend that had long hair, but that’s not the point. Anyway, they come out after the movie and one of the three guys that stopped to talk to me is ranting about it, and when I tell him that I can get my manager he says, “oh, I’m not mad, I just want you to know that I think he should have been kicked out. He was aggressive, which makes him a threat, and that makes me uncomfortable. My training taught me not to get involved because I would’ve gone to jail, but just so you know that kid would have been missing a knee cap if it had escalated. Also, I have friends on the city council and that nice liquor license you guys are applying for would be done with. Now you have a good night.” Right…you’re not mad at all you passive aggressive dickhead! The only difference between you and the guy you’re mad at is that you didn’t use any offensive language, but you’re still an asshole. Oh and what’s this training you’re referring to? What, are you a fucking eagle scout? You gonna take out that kid’s knee cap with your fucking pocket knife, you 5’4 hobbit-looking mother fucker? Get out of my face with your shit. You’re complaining to me when I can’t do anything for you, ya dumbass.

I'm Fine I'm Fine

  • We were doing a white elephant gift exchange at a Christmas party and a guy, someone I’ve never met before, made me take the present his little girl wanted. Like, she literally just got done saying how much she wanted this particular present so we would all know not to choose it. Now I understand why he was doing it, so she could learn how the steal rule of white elephant works, but did he have to make me do it? I’m already terrible with kids and I look mean. It didn’t help that no one knew he told me to do it. It was a hot mess; she started bawling immediately. I guess I can check “making a child cry at Christmas” off of my list of things I never thought I’d do.

Should I apoologize or leave? I'ma leave.

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