I’m not really sure why anyone wants to end up in this blog, but people get genuinely excited when they do. However, it’s always an awkward moment when someone is excited/worked up because they think something I’ve written in this blog is about them, when really it’s not. Exhibit A: I wrote about how a girl I work with was going to prom with someone even though she didn’t want to, because she’s too nice to say no. A couple days after I posted it, a different girl I work with came up to me and said, “how did you know I’m going with so and so and that I don’t really want to go with him!?” Uhh I didn’t, that wasn’t about you, and the world doesn’t revolve around your precious little life.
I hate opening cans of biscuits! I know what’s gonna happen, but it still scares the shit out of me when the can pops…it even makes me nervous watching other people open them.
There’s a jar of unopened apple jelly in my fridge and I don’t have a clue who’s it is, because I’ve sure as shit never eaten apple jelly nor do I plan to.
AT&T sent me two texts at like 7:30 in the morning saying,”oh thanks for upgrading your phone…would you recommend us? Text 10 (definitely)- 1(definitely not).” I’m gonna go with a “definitely not,” because I didn’t upgrade my phone and you’re texting me at 7:30 in the morning!
My brother and I went into Pizza Hut to place an order, and my brother starts with, “we want to place a carry out order..” I cut him off saying, “no, we’re gonna do a delivery order.” I thought I had made the sarcasm obvious enough, but the girl putting in the order clearly didn’t pick up on it. She started to change the order to delivery and I had to reaffirm that I was joking. After she figured it out, she just started laughing and saying I was funny repeatedly.
While we were waiting for our pizza, there was a car parked next to us with a kid in the driver’s seat, a grandma passed out in the passenger seat, and the car was on. That’s got trouble written all over it.
I feel like a good indicator that you’re growing up is whether or not you carry a pen with you at all times.
My sister had a kid a couple of weeks ago and they already made her a Facebook. What is the world coming to?
Nothing says friendship quite like spending 5 hours bailing someone out of jail.
My brother and I pulled into a police department parking lot and there was a sketchy dude standing by his car waiting. We asked him if he worked there and he said no, but he was hesitant about it. He clarified that he was meeting a guy to sell something off of craigslist, and then asked if we needed something.
I was in the lobby of the Denton Police Department and on the bench next to me was a girl, no more than 18 years old, who was so fucking nonchalant about the fact that she just got out of jail. She was on the phone with someone saying, “yeah I’m at the PD, but I guess I gotta call my daddy because I don’t know who’s coming to get me.” She then calls her dad, just completely fucking relaxed, and says, “will you tell grandma I’m out.” Does this happen so often that her family has a system of who’s gonna go get her? Then, on our way out the girl says, to my brother and I, “oh you have to bail your friend out tonight? Why because they’re too scared?”
In honor of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire coming out tonight, and it being an awesome fucking movie: