Random Thoughts of the Week: November 8th-14th

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  • Whenever I put moisturizer on my face I always start by smearing it across my forehead, like Rafiki does to Simba.

Rafiki and Simba

  • Am I the only one who waits until other cars start to move once a stop light turns green? It’s like I’m paranoid that the light isn’t actually green because no one else seems to be moving yet…so sometimes I wait. Just me? Alright.

Just Me

  • I find myself wondering more and more about why car alarms are even a thing. Like, I don’t think they actually dissuade someone from stealing a car anymore, because no one actually gives a fuck when one is going off. If anything, we’re all thinking, “great, there’s another jackass who can’t remember where they parked so they’re gonna use the panic button.”

Eye Roll and Sigh

  • We have 4 cases in our lobby at work that hold big posters promoting upcoming movies, two on each side. My supervisor decided it was wise to put the two posters that had all black actors on them, on the same side….

Segregation

  • I asked a friend if he could share my blog post on Facebook so I could get some more weekly visitors; he asked me if he could post it to Twitter instead, because there would probably be friends/parents on his Facebook that would be offended by the content. So basically, my personality is offensive. Wow, it’s like a knife to the heart.

Sad child

  • I learned, this past weekend, that I have an unusually strong gag reflex to the overwhelming smell that mass quantities of ketchup creates. Small portions of ketchup are fine, but I had to clean up pints of ketchup at work and I about lost my shit. Seriously, this was me for 5 minutes straight:

gagging

  • A girl I used to work with was telling a girl she works with now that she and I used to work together. The girl looks at me and asks, “you used to work at planet tan?” After I stopped laughing at the thought of that, I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster, “yeah I definitely used to work at planet tan.” She looked confused for a few seconds and then asked, “wait, so you didn’t used to work at planet tan?”

Uhh...not quite

  • It’s like my neighbors are competing for the award of Who Can Drive Amanda Insane The Fastest. I’ve got my neighbors on my right with children who scream constantly while slamming balls into the side of my house, and I’ve got my neighbors on my left who have a dog that barks nonstop. Lucky for them, they both win!

I Give Up

  • I was having a shitty day at work, so when I turned around to find 4 people I work with just standing around talking I decided I’d had enough; I looked at them and said, “do not fuck with me tonight, work” and walked off. Needless to say, they started working immediately. It’s a wonder why people tell me they are scared of/intimidated by me.

Disney Shrug

  • I was having dinner with my brother and a friend, when the topic of coffee came up. Of course my brother tried to make a joke saying, “I like my coffee like I like my women…” I jumped in with, “with a little cream?” Easily the most disgusting thing I’ve ever said.

Laugh...stop

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