Random Thoughts of the Week: November 1st-7th

Standard
  • I would be the worst person to go on family feud! All that clapping and encouraging them by saying, “good answer” repeatedly when really it’s the worst answer you’ve ever heard…yeah I couldn’t pull that off. They’d probably end up cutting to me being all pissed off and judgmental because my family is sucking it up.

Another Angry Knope

  • A large amount of birds, all grouped together, hanging out in the same place freaks me out for some reason. It’s like they’re plotting something!

Paranoid

  • I pass a car wash off of highway 35 that has had a “now open to the public” sign up for the last 5 years, at least. I mean all they have to do is take off the now. “Now” implies that it’s a new development, when clearly it’s not at all.

I Don't Get It

  • Have you ever seen someone walk into a room and immediately known that they’re gonna be a fucking douche bag that’s going to piss you off all night?

Fuck!

  • That douche bag previously mentioned, which I had to deal with at a Halloween party, sarcastically said to me, “nice costume.” Ironically, this idiot wasn’t dressed up either.

Stop. Shut the Fuck Up.

  • I told that same guy, yes still the same douche bag from two bullet points above, that I was gonna just carry around a bag of lemons and be “life” for Halloween. He said, “you’d just carry around like a Walmart bag of lemons?” Apparently this idiot has never bought any kind of fruit in his life if he doesn’t know that there are bags specifically designed for fruit, or that they can come prepackaged in a bag.

How Dumb Are You

  • A girl I used to work with got completely shit faced at said Halloween party. They decided to do shots, even though they were already way too far gone. While they were getting situated for the shots, this girl read out loud, “oh Captain Morgan 100 proof.” So, she takes about a shot and a half of this 100 proof rum, proceeds to get upset, asking my friend why she would let her take that shot. Then my friend, who is also completely hammered, is trying to force her to drink water by putting the cup to her lips. The girl’s response was, “I’m a grown woman, I can handle drinking my water on my own!” Two minutes later she spills the water all over the floor.

Nailed It

  • I changed the favorite movie, that’s listed on my name tag for work, from Blood Diamond to The Breakfast Club so that people would stop asking me if my name was Blood Diamond. Unfortunately, now people, seriously multiple people, ask me if I’m a part of the breakfast club. Listen, I went to saturday school once and I certainly don’t weirdly celebrate breakfast with a group of other people…so no, I’m not a part of “The Breakfast Club.”

Psh Eye Roll

  • Did you guys know that “sherbert” isn’t actually a thing? It’s meant to be spelled sherbet, like sorbet. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Like, do I say it the right way and have everyone look at me like I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, or do I just keep on saying it the wrong way?!

Tough Spot

  • I asked a girl I work with what time it was, because she was wearing a watch, and she pulls out her phone to tell me….if she was gonna use her phone I would have just checked my phone. When I asked her why she didn’t use her watch, she said, “it takes me a long time to read my watch.”

Bored...Can't believe it

  • A middle-aged man that I was helping at work said to me, “you’re a sweet lady; I should write a letter about you or better yet, a song.” My first inclination was to tell him to read my blog and think again, or that there have been two different songs titled Amanda that have already been written.

Nice Try

  • I like when commercials claim they aren’t using paid actors, but I recognize one of them from something else. I just sit there thinking, “bitch, I know I’ve seen one of those ladies in an episode of ER or some shit!”

Don't. Lie. To Me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s