- A woman walked up to me, pointed at my tattoo and said, “that had to have hurt.” She went on to say, “I have one on my ass and that one definitely hurt.”
- A woman complained that the restrooms smelled terrible and when they told her they’d take care of it she said, “so I can get my money back for the movie I just saw? I mean I’ll take you in there and you can smell it…you shouldn’t have to sit there and smell that while you’re trying to use the bathroom.” Then we went in there and there wasn’t a smell at all.
- I don’t trust people who eat the shells of peanuts.
- My waitress called us baby, sweetheart, or darling all night long…
- I sincerely hope you all have that one friend who doesn’t have a mean bone in their body, and when they get angry it’s like watching a puppy bark for the first time.
- A guy came up and said, “I need three for Tarzan..,” I knew he was trying to be funny, but I just never know how to respond when people pull that kind of shit with me.
- I went to Chili’s a couple of days ago and I shit you not, my waiters were named Sage and Flannigan. What a pair.
- A woman asked me, “after I get my tickets how do I get in? Do I push on the door?”
- Here’s Episode 3 of There Is No Bathroom if you missed it. Also, here have another puppy gif…