Random Thoughts of the Week: August 16th-22nd

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  • Blast from the past story time: my sister called AT&T to bitch about something, and of course she had to put it on speakerphone. So my brother and I are sitting there with her and the lady tells her she’s gonna put her on hold. So as my sister’s waiting she says, “I can’t believe she’s getting attitude.” Lady on the other line, whom we thought had put us on hold, says, “who me?!” I wanted her to hang up immediately.

Hang Up!

  • My sister and I were sitting in her car at sonic and this couple, who were eating at the tables outside, stared us down the entire time.

You got a problem, buddy?

  • I totally judge people based on their windshield wiper speed. Like, why do you have then on the highest speed when it’s sprinkling and you’re sitting at a stoplight?

You embarrass me!

  • I saw a van pulling onto the highway from a dirt road that led down to the lake. I think it’s safe to assume they were dumping a body.

You Know I'm Right

  • I don’t understand the people who are turning right and have a green light, that stop because I’m out in the intersection, yielding on a green to turn left. Do you honestly think I’m about to turn into you? I’m just trying to beat the light and you’re being an idiot; you stopping won’t prevent an accident, it’s gonna cause one.

Carol

  • I like when someone calls my work asking for directions. Mainly because with the amount of children I work with, the person who answers the phone either can’t drive or hasn’t been driving long enough.

Odds in your favor

  • I saw a girl, no more than 16, wearing shorts so short that I could literally see the bottom of her ass cheeks. Like, suntan line and all.

That's Messed Up

  • I saw a couple saying goodbye at the airport; as they went in for a kiss, a shuttle pulled up, honked, and they jumped apart.

Hugh Laughing

  • Also, here’s episode 2 of this week’s podcast with my brother.
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