- If I hear a rustling in bushes that are anywhere near me, you can bet your sweet ass that I’m gone.
- A woman threatened to start a riot because her movie didn’t start on time, because that seems like an appropriate response to a minor issue…not dramatic at all.
- Why are tampons so expensive? They should be free, because really women are doing everyone a favor by not bleeding all over the place. Yeah, I said it!
- I hate when a hot dog bun breaks on the seam and it turns into just two skinny pieces of bread….like, I don’t want a hot dog sandwich. What is the shit?
- I saw a guy walking around Walmart with only one shoe on. You know how you’ll see a shoe in the road every now and then and wonder to yourself, “how the hell does that happen?” That guy, that guy walking around Walmart with only one shoe, is how that happens.
- I always get at least one person who asks me why I’ve given them more tickets than they wanted and I have to explain to them, as nicely as possible, that the other papers are receipts. All they have to do is take a second, use their eyes and realize “one of these things is not like the other.”
- I immediately know when a trailer is for a horror movie because I don’t recognize any of the actors/actresses; thankfully, it’s a good indicator for my brain to tell me:
- Blast from the past story time: my brother, my sister and I thought it would be fun to put those glow in the dark stars on our ceiling fan and turn it on. Turns out, not that great of an idea…one flew off and hit my sister in the face, leaving her a nice scar on the bridge of her nose.
- Also, if you haven’t checked out the podcast that I just started with my brother here’s a link for the first episode: http://thereisnobathroom.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/episode-1/ The first 5 minutes are pretty boring, but the second half is more entertaining.