A child walked by the windows at my work, carrying a blown up alien doll. We made eye contact, he slowed down and shook the alien at me.
A guy does an introduction before all the music that plays at my work, and right now he says, “here’s Tess Drunkenmiller, a gifted singer with a beautiful voice.” Dude’s a liar because that girl has a voice that makes nails on a chalkboard seem like a symphony.
There’s a sign I pass by every day that says, “stage 2 mandatory water conservation…” No less than 20 ft away there’s a busted sprinkler that shoots out a jet of water into the air whenever it’s on.
A guy asked me if we could plug in his phone at work, and when I told him we couldn’t because we’d be responsible if something happened to it he said, “oh fuck off.”
I was walking away from a guy after I gave him his drink and he said, “where’s your brother?” I was about to say, “uhh he could be anywhere, sir.” That was until I realized he was talking to his kid that I couldn’t see.
Blast from the past story time: So my brother and I were on different sides of the room, and I must have said something to offend him, because the next thing I know I have a drumstick flying at me. The first one was low enough that I could jump over it, but I was so focused on dodging the first one that I didn’t see the second one coming right at my face. After it hit me, I went outside to tell my mom, and her response was, “I wasn’t there, I don’t know what happened.”
I found nail clippings on a chair in one of the theaters.
My siblings and I were getting breakfast, and my brother told my sister not to get sausage because he wouldn’t eat all his. Her response was, “that’s fine, I’ll eat your sausage.”