Random Thoughts of the Week: July 19th-25th

  • There’s a woman who calls me Twilight every time she comes into the theatre. All because I did the twilight trivia for the marathon she was at last year. I never know how to respond.

Just Me

  • I was at a restaurant with my female cousin, aunt and brother (who was sitting between me and my aunt.) So the waiter is taking our order and he starts on the left with my cousin, then my aunt, and then he skips over my brother and asks me what I want. I was like, “what about him?” Apparently, he was doing “ladies first,” so he says to me, “what are you, one of those feminists?” 1) Yeah I am, and everyone should be. 2) I was just trying to follow the pattern of left to right.

Kindly Fuck Off

  • I bought deodorant last week, and I thought I was buying the kind I usually use….apparently not, because it smells fucking terrible. It’s as distracting of a smell as BO is, I just happened to pay for this particular scent.

Kill Me

  • At work I noticed, what I thought was grass, growing from one of our drains. Turns out it was a few corn kernels that grew roots. Seems sanitary.

Turtle Face

  • A couple asked me if I was focused, and I must have looked confused by the question because they clarified with, “you’re either focused or extremely unhappy.” Or…how about this is just my motherfucking face! After I told them that I just don’t smile much, and that I’m not unhappy the guy said, “well give me one then.”

Not Lightin It Up With My Smile

  • We were passing out fake dinosaur tattoos at work, so of course I put a T-Rex on my arm. A woman then said to me, in a completely genuine voice, “cool tat!” I told her it was fake and she was surprised. Really ma’am?

Really? Come on.

  • There’s a business called Praises The Lord Beauty Salon down the street from my house.

Glory To God, Amen!

  • I was at a restaurant with two of my friends, and when the waiter walked up the first thing my friend said to him was, “hey, you look familiar!” He responded, in a rude fucking tone, with, “I’m not.” You wanna take a guess at what else he wasn’t…if you guessed, “your server for the night” then you’d be right.

Toodaloo Motherfucker

  • That incident was the one and only time I’ve complained about service, and I actually still feel a little bad about it. I don’t want the manager, who actually served us for the rest of the night and gave us free dessert, to think we complained just to get free stuff. I should have told her as we were leaving

I'm a Fucking Good Person

  • I hate working across the street from a fountain! I get uncomfortable watching all the children sitting on the jets of water…Seriously kids, please stop.

Scared Head Shake

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