Random Thoughts of the Week: June 28th-July 4th

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  • There were 3 obviously healthy, teenage girls riding around Walmart in the electric scooters/wheel chairs they have. What if someone actually needed those, you little assholes?!

Youths!

  • There’s a special place in hell for people who have those fucking metal testicles hanging from their bumper. Maybe you should try growing a pair of your own and stop being such a douche bag!

Douchebag Jar

  • I enjoy when sprinklers are aimed toward the street and my windows are down.

Sarcasm

  • Narcissistic: having an inflated idea of one’s own importance. Life lesson kids, don’t ever act, in any way, that would give someone reason to use that word to describe you. If you’ve never once given thought to what someone else might want/need/enjoy then you need to reevaluate your life, and don’t even get offended when someone calls you on it and don’t act like you don’t think the world revolves around you.

Sit in the Corner

  • Any time I’m on the highway I see signs giving information about a missing elderly person. I’m thinking they maybe just no longer want to be stuck in the retirement homes their kids are putting them in, because they’re miserable. I bet they see the signs while they’re driving and hope that no one catches them.

Nos

  • My coworker asked a guy what size water bottles he wanted and he said, “3.” She asked, “do you want small or large?” and he replied, “3!” Sir, I’ve got a suggestion for: before you get attitude, how about you

Listen!

  • To me, dumb bitch is probably the most insulting thing you could call somebody, besides the obvious racist/sexist/homophobic slurs. I have a supervisor who always tries to jokingly call people that…but I’m pretty sure that could never be said with a joking tone.

Bon Qui Qui Rude

  • You know, I thought I should be worried about pain when I had my wisdom teeth removed, but what I should have been worried about was having the nurse from hell! So I’m getting my laughing gas and picking out my music while they’re setting up the IV in my right hand. Next thing I know, I’m waking up and the IV is in my left hand and it looks like I’ve got the hands of the fucking Michelin man! The tops of both of my hands are swollen to a point that it looks like I’ve got half a baseball in each of them. So I look expectantly at the nurse, trying to convey via ESP (because my mouth is full of gauze) “what the fuck happened to my hands, woman?!” As if she heard me she said, “Oh, looks like some anesthesia got stuck in the veins…let’s fix that.” I’m not sure what I thought her idea of fixing would be, but it certainly wasn’t anywhere close to what she did. She lifts up both of her hands and smashes them down onto the tops of mine! My eyes teared up immediately, because not only did my hands hurt but I had the burn of anesthesia going through both my arms. They took me out to my mom’s car, where she was waiting for me, and when she notices my eyes watering she asked me what was wrong. Unfortunately for me, I was trying to tell her the story with a mouth full of gauze, and she didn’t understand any of it. Honestly, that was the worst part of the entire process. Moral of the story, look into your nurses eyes and make sure you can’t see the eternal flames of hell burning in them.

Thanks, Satan

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