I saw a guy wearing a hat that said, “fuck me it’s my birthday!” I’ve got a better idea
The number of times Leo said old sport in The Great Gatsby…
I have a problem of usually being too early to everything, so I have to just sit around waiting for the appropriate time to leave.
I don’t know if this has ever happened to any of you, but one time I was getting gas and some little shit of a kid pushed the emergency shut off switch. He fucking shut off all of the pumps!
A guy was parked next to me and his bass was so fucking intense you could hear all ofthe plastic of his car rattling.
I’m not really sure why people aren’t honest with their friends, like telling them “you look ridiculous in that.” Everybody says, “well I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” Listen, it’s better if you hurt their feelings instead of someone else doing it because they’re laughing at how stupid your friends look. Trust me, I do a lot of people-watching and a lot of laughing at what people are walking out of the house in…their friends need to say something.
There was construction on my drive to Arkansas and they closed the left lane so everyone was merging, and then there were those assholes who decided to just drive all the way up and then merge…like all of us in the back weren’t trying to get to the same place! Anyway, the semi behind me was tired of their shit so he started driving in the middle of the two lanes so no one else could pass. That’s what I’m talking about!
I passed a billboard advertising the people from the shows swamp people and gator boys being at some casino. I’m not real sure how anyone is going to know what they’re saying, they have to use subtitles on those shows. All those people are gonna be super confused.
I saw a girl filling an empty hawaiian punch jug full of gas, that’s certainly one way to do it.
A woman in the booth across from me at a restaurant ordered a “water on the rocks.”