Random Thoughts of the Week: May 2nd-9th

  • I don’t care who you are, if you walk through a cobweb you’re going to look like an idiot trying to get that shit off.

Cobweb Freakout

  • What the fuck is up with the word arctic? Can we not with that extra C?


  • I don’t care if you’re running late, that’s no excuse to be an asshole. I didn’t make you late, you did that on your own so don’t take it out on other people.

Don't Be A Bitch

  • When it’s called for, I can’t even be confrontational while driving. For instance, some jackass pulled out in front of me and I came really close to slamming into him, and I couldn’t even manage a honk. I just yell in my head and glare at them.

I'm a Coward

  • Have you guys seen the poptart commercial where the poptarts, that are talking/supposedly living things, are put into the toaster? So essentially it’s a commercial about killing poptarts by burning them alive!

Unicorn 2

  • I had to listen to 2 women cackling for like 5 minutes, and of course I couldn’t leave because I was helping a woman about 2 feet away from them. I felt like my ears were about to start bleeding if I had to listen to it any longer than I did.

Make It Stop

  • A woman was complaining about waiting in the cold for Iron Man. She legit yelled, “I don’t even have a coat!” Ma’am you’re over 40 years old and you can’t make the decision to bring a coat with you after you’ve stepped outside and realized that it’s fucking cold? I’m not your mother nor is this the hunger games where we can control the weather. So take your fucking attitude and wait in the cold!

The Bird

  • If you’ve ever thought about how much you hate having to hear terrible music because someone is listening to it with their windows down, just be glad you didn’t have my experience; this guy had speakers in the fucking grill of his car. Why?

I Mean, What The Fuck

  • I had to lift heavy shift for 5 hours straight at work, and when I physically exert myself I turn into a fucking tomato…seriously, my whole body turns bright red. I shit you not, every single person who saw me said, “wow, you’re red! Are you ok?” Yeah, no shit! I can see my arms and I’ve been present for my 22 years of life, so I know what’s happening; I don’t need you to point it out.

Kindly Fuck Off

  • A lady told me she liked my name, and I thanked her, but I mean my mom named me; I didn’t really have a say in that decision. So, if you’re reading this mom, good choice on the name.

High Five

  • A woman dropped a handful of pennies on my counter and counted them out to partially pay her total saying, “I really want to get rid of these pennies.”


  • I saw a thing on Pinterest that said, “Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.” The only thing summer means for me is driving with my windows down and getting a sunburn on only my left arm.

Fist Pump

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