Random Thoughts of the Week: April 26th-May 2nd

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  • I don’t like when people talk loudly in public, like could you not? I especially don’t like when the person talking loudly is with me. Please stop, you’re attracting attention to us.

Hiding

  • A guy asked me if his wolf shirt was doing anything for me. It was literally just a t-shirt with a giant snarling wolf on the front.

You Look Ridiculous

  • We accidentally ended up at an 80’s rock cover band concert, and while they were really good, shit got a little weird in the middle of their set. The lead singer started putting blow pops in his waistband and then proceeded to have women say into the mic what they wanted him to do with the blow pop (which was obviously referencing a penis). Once they said whatever nastiness they wanted, he would put the blow pop in their mouths. If that’s what they were willing to do for a blow pop, I don’t even want to know what they’d do for a Klondike bar.

You Nasty

  • While a guy was dancing with one of the girls we were out with, he called his friend’s name and then pointed to one of our other friends, as if to say, “hey I got this one, you get that one.”

No and Headshake

  • We walked by a guy on the street and he looked at me and said, “hey! You look like my friend!” I said, “cool, but I’m not” and kept on walking.

I'm An Asshole

  • When I was younger I used to think that windshield wipers would  wipe because it knew there was too much water on the windshield….

Giggle Shrug

  • A kid walked up to me and a coworker and just looked back and forth between the two of us while sipping on his straw.

Do The Creep

  • I got stuck behind a woman driving the way I would assume a 12 year old would drive, and of course I had to stay in that lane or else I’d miss my turn.

Shhhhit

  • A couple asked me what Place Beyond the Pines was about and I said, “Ryan Gosling starts robbing banks..” and the guy cut me off saying, “don’t say Ryan Gosling just because she’s a woman.” Oh, alright. How about you tell him to stop starring in movies, that way I won’t have to tell you he’s one of the main fucking characters! Since that’s not a possibility, how about we go with option 1 and you

Shut The Fuck Up.

  • We had a dude go off on all of us at work one day. He was mad because my manager and supervisors were standing at the computer doing their job, but he thought they were just standing around doing nothing. He was yelling about how only me and another guy were doing any work. Sorry man, but there was literally only you and 4 other people in the lobby; one guy was with you and the 3 others were together, which means there were really only 2 people to help and the woman in front of you was already being helped! So what kind of work did you want everyone to do?

Oh, Fuck Off

  • I really enjoy when I tell someone their total and they ask, “really? For this and this?” No, I charged you for a bunch of shit you didn’t ask for.

Headache

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