On Valentine’s Day, at work, my boss had me pass out Hershey’s Kisses and told me to ask, “would you like a kiss?” as I held out the bowl to them…I refused because that’s creepy as hell.
I was driving down the alley way behind my house to go to work and these three kids were walking in the middle of the street. Instead of moving to the side, so I could go, they just kept walking towards me. Fucking kids these days.
A woman came up to buy tickets and asked, “if my valentine doesn’t show can I get my money back?” She claimed that she was trying to get him to “cooperate, but that it’s hard.” Uhh lady, your “valentine” sounds like a real asshole. He can’t go see a movie with you, especially when said movie is Die Hard and not the new Nicholas Sparks movie? Dump his ass!
I was asked if I knew how to reverse rape someone. They overheard a conversation about it and were curious if I knew.
A guy bought tickets from the automated box office and the tickets didn’t drop down. He decided that it was all my fault so he came up and yelled, “your god damn machine didn’t print my tickets!” I told him that they usually just get stuck at the top. To this he replied, “well if you know what the problem is then you need to fix it!” I tell him that I’ll get them for him and I go out there, reach my hand up and grab his tickets/receipts…seriously it was that easy. In the meantime, while I’m grabbing them, he’s complaining to his companions that we need to have a sign saying it’s broken. It’s not fucking broken you asshole! Sorry that you decided to go to a machine instead of an actual person…that shit tends to malfunction every now and then. All that happened was the paper got stuck in the slot it drops down from. Jesus, you’d think the fucking world was ending!
I’m pretty sure I came into contact with every asshole in Highland Village on Sunday. I should have gone to school to become a proctologist (google it if you don’t know what it is…it’ll be a better joke if you do).
At work, they play an advertisement that’s trying to convince people to visit Florida, the state populated mostly by people over the age of 65, the worst drivers in the country, and the state where people were eating other people….thanks, but no thanks.
I love when people hand me their trash and say, “you can throw this away.” Oh, can I? You can too you fucking asshole!
I got an email saying that some random woman on Pinterest invited me to post on her Wedding board. That sounds like loads of fun.
My manager and I had to unclog the sinks in the women’s room and it’s not something I ever want to do again. It looked like an exorcism was taking place, but instead of green pea soup it was chunky black stuff that was spraying all over us and all over the walls/floor.
A guy I work with asked me if I had nails so that I could help him with his hangnail…