- Every single phone call I take at work:
- A girl I work with asked me if my tattoo, the one that covers my entire lower leg, was real. No, I draw it on everyday for shits and giggles.
- A guy came by my house talking about an energy efficiency program and I’m pretty sure I only understood 10 words he said. They probably wanted someone who was bilingual, but homeboy could not speak English. He probably would have been better off just speaking Spanish and I would have known what he was saying.
- A girl handed me her ticket from her shoe and proceeded to search her shoes for her friend’s ticket. She had perfectly good pockets, why she wasn’t using them is beyond me.
- Two different groups of people came out of their movie saying they were supposed to have tickets for a different movie. Now, my coworker did sell them the wrong tickets; however, not only does their ticket tell them they have the wrong movie, the marquee above the door also tells them. Even with that information they all sat in the wrong auditorium for an hour past when their movie was supposed to start. Why are you not coming out to say something when your movie doesn’t start when it’s supposed to? Sure we made a mistake, but don’t be a fucking idiot.
- I was giving my friend a hard time about her cell phone and when she was going to get a new one and I shit you not, this is what she says, “in the next millennium…I’ll get an iPhone, but by that point I’m sure people will be speaking texts.” So phone calls?
- “Oh my gosh, guess who just had their baby?!” Guess who doesn’t care?!
- To my neighbor who hits his car’s lock button at least 5 times every single night: I’m pretty sure one honk tells you that your car is actually locked, seven seems like a bit of an overkill.
- They brought back the Taylor Swift song at work, the one that made me bitch about her a month or so ago. If work didn’t already suck, listening to that song every 5 minutes for many hours straight really tops it off. It’s the cherry on top of an already large pile of shit (that’s how the saying goes, right?).