Random Thoughts of the Week: January 18th-24th

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  • I walked in on a woman going to the bathroom because she didn’t lock the door. Traumatizing for both of us, I think.

My Eyes

  • I drop my sister’s mail off to her even though she supposedly lives with me.

Paper Toss

  • On that note, I was eating dinner and I heard the front door being unlocked; since my sister hasn’t been home in 2 months it took me a second to remember she would be the one coming through the door and not a murderer.

Heh What

  • A kid, probably 13, farted on my coworker, lifted his leg and farted on her. When she told me I laughed, but if he had done that to me that little shit would have left crying.

I Will Stab You

  • I saw two of the manliest men, like Paul Bunyan type mother fuckers, walk out of Les Miserables together. I wasn’t sure what to make of it; were they a couple, two men who really love musicals, two men who didn’t actually know what the movie was about? I’ll never know, but hopefully they liked the movie.

Woody What?

  • While working, there was a group of three kids standing around making a mess and being annoying, and one of them put his hand up to me for a high five

Don't Try To Bond With Me

  • •I’m not sure what’s wrong with parents these days, but almost every kid under 18 acts like a fucking animal. Hell, my dog is more well behaved than these kids. I can tell my dog to sit and he will, but heaven forbid these kids learn how to follow simple rules of being in a public place.

Another Angry Knope

  • •You want to know the worst way of learning that a certain muscle is involved in every single movement the body makes? Injuring that muscle. When I tell people that I’ve pulled the muscle between my ribs, and they act like I’m being dramatic

I'll Kill You

  • Why do people not trust my opinion?

You Know I'm Right

  • I had to wait behind a guy who was waiting for a parking spot when there was an open one 4 spaces down.

You're Killing Me, Smalls

  • A kid told me he wanted a large pop, and I had to ask him what he said because I was confused. This is Texas, we say coke. He should have just told me what he wanted to drink and not just that he wanted a drink, no matter what wording he used.

Oh Please (walk away)

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