Random Thoughts of the Week: January 11th-17th

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  • Why are pills to help a cold so fucking big? My throat already hurts, but by all means make me swallow a pill that we should be giving to a horse. Not to mention the fact that it takes me 5 minutes to get the pills out of their super intense packaging.

Gosh Darnit!

  • I can see what people search that bring them to my blog and two people last week searched “church thought of the week.” They didn’t find what they were looking for.

Scared Head Shake

  • I mentioned I was sick last week, which has continued all of this week as well, and I have spent all my free time during this bout of sickness in bed watching murder shows: First 48, Snapped, Deadly Women, Women Behind Bars..you name it I watched it. The narrators just suck you in with their entrancing voices; where do they find those people?

Don't Judge Me

  • Two guys tried to sneak into an R-rated movie and when they were given the option to go to a different movie they chose Les Miserable.

Good Luck

  • When I ate Raisin Bran Crunch as a kid I would pretty much just eat the raisins and dump out the bran. Probably should have just gotten a box of raisins.

Whoops

  • I know I’ve talked about this multiple times, but it seriously still happens every day: “well you look happy to be here,” and “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine.” We’ve worked together for 2 years, get the fuck over it; I’m happy with my life, what’s your problem with it?

I'm Fine I'm Fine

  • Instead of buying a long lighter I use a regular lighter to light junk mail on fire and light my grill that way. Yeah I’m cheap, but it’s also efficient.

House Shrug

  • Speaking of lighting the grill, last night I went to light it and I guess there was some gas built up and when I lit it there was a burst of fire. My eyelashes, eyebrows and the right side of my hair are now shorter. Good thing I didn’t get ready that day or else the hairspray I normally use would have sent me up in flames. It would have been a Michael-Jackson-and-the-Pepsi-commercial moment for me.

Whew

  • The “security guards” where I work just park their security vehicles in the parking lots with their lights on. It’s really fucking creepy.

Just Weird

  • A girl I work with said that I’ve been slipping on the blog, that it’s not as funny. No one is forcing you to read it

Fuck Yourself

  • We were in Barnes and Noble and two high school guys asked one of the employees, “Where can we find How To Kill A Mockingbird?” I don’t care that they haven’t read it, but to not know the name of it. Really? They’re probably the type who reply, “I don’t read” when people ask them what kind of books they like.

Are You An Idiot

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