Well it’s a new year with new idiots, let’s begin.
- My parents live so far north in Arkansas that they drive to Missouri to get groceries. Something about that struck me as funny.
- While shopping, a father and son passed me and the son said he wanted shorts. The dad replied, “you’re a dude, dudes don’t shop for clothes.” That kid better marry early or else his mother’s gonna be shopping for him when he’s 30.
- If you seriously use one of those electric scooters at Walmart just because you’re overweight and don’t want to walk I don’t have any sympathy for you. I’m really not, but you’re probably thinking
- I almost always regret watching comedies with people because either they’re laughing and I’m not or I’m laughing and they’re not. Either way, awkward times ensue.
- Watching someone get pulled over, after they ride your ass and then pass you like they have somewhere more important to be, is extremely rewarding.
- Especially when the cop gets two of them at the same time.
- Having a motion sensored light is helpful, but also raises my anxiety a little bit. Any time I see the light go on I feel the odds that I’m about to die increase dramatically. I just sit there hoping that it’s a bug and not a psycho wielding a weapon.
- The McRib is back at McDonald’s; I’m not really sure why it was ever created in the first place. Seriously, I don’t think any of us want to know what “meat” they use in them.
- I’m 22 and I’m still fascinated with seeing my breath when it’s cold outside (or inside if your heat isn’t working).
- What the hell is the point of a pull handle to get out of a restroom? It defeats the purpose of washing your hands if you have to grab a handle that’s been touched by the people who don’t wash their hands.
- How does one go about starting a funeral home? Do they wake up one day thinking “you know what, I want to put dead people in the ground for the rest of my life.” ?
- A little kid threw his hat at me while I was standing there helping his dad. The urge to just slap the shit out of people’s kids gets stronger every day.