- My mother called someone a dick face.
- I was checking IDs when a woman told me she needed to use the bathroom but didn’t have her ticket. I told her it was fine. What wasn’t fine was when she came back and said, “ahh that’s better.”
- A woman was wheeled into the theatre bleeding from her eye and ear. Although, one person I work with said she just didn’t have a top or bottom eye lid…which is worse. She also had patches of skin missing from her arms. I’m sure it’s a serious disorder, but I was freaked the fuck out. It looked gruesome, and the chick who was pushing her wheelchair just grabbed a handful of napkins and handed them to her. Something tells me that that isn’t going to help…
- I sat at a red light for at least 5 minutes and once it finally turned green it lasted long enough for two cars to go through. If that light could talk it would have been saying:
- I had someone named Brown Williams send me a friend request on Facebook. Pretty sure I don’t know, nor am I friends with, anyone named Brown.
- How can anyone take a movie with Tyler Perry in it seriously?
- I went to my mom’s friend’s engagement party to help out and it turned into a total shit show. With a bunch of wasted middle aged women together, there was a lot of this:
- And a lot of this:
- I have to stay at my grandma’s
trailermobile home in the trailermobile home park for two weeks, until I can move into my house. Turns out they have “security” there. I had to have a man drop a rope of flags so I could drive through, but only after he interrogated me on where I was headed. I don’t know the address of my grandmas’s trailermobile home! Calm your tits, dude; if I wanted to rob somebody I wouldn’t be looking in the trailermobile home park.
- On Pinterest, yes I have a Pinterest, I had to unfollow everyone’s wedding, marriage, baby, future, one day, whatever-the-fuck-they’ve-named-it page. I don’t care about what kind of makeup you’ll have for your wedding or the color of your future kid’s nursery.
- I love when I pull into a gas station to get gas, because I’m on empty, and every single pump says “sorry out of service.” That’s helpful.
- A lady walked up with an empty bag of popcorn and said, “I just spilled it way up top. Somebody is gonna have big mess to clean up.” Giggle giggle.
- I had an older man, probably early 50s, tell me that he liked the way I did my hair and that it’s cute.
- I went to park in the Walmart parking lot and these two teenage girls were just standing in an empty parking space. That’s alright, don’t worry, I don’t need to park there or anything.
- I passed by a building called Ogle School. Is that somewhere people can go to master the art of being creepy?