My mom asked me if I had to work as I walked by, dressed in my work clothes.
My history professor says booty at least 5 times in every single lecture.
It’s always a fun time when you’re trying to get somewhere and there’s a fucking parade going on, blocking the street that you need to use!
I work with a kid who spells Saturday with an e, saterday. I don’t understand; there’s a song that spells it out repeatedly for you!
That same kid did that whole “I’m going to jokingly act like I’m going to punch you in the face.” He’s also the same kid who hugged me…how has he not picked up the back-the-fuck-off-vibes I’m sending him?
A kid in my class feels the need to make a “witty” comment after everything our professor says. This isn’t a comedy show, I’m not amused, shut the fuck up.
A coworker told me his cousin was going to come up and see a movie and described her by saying, “she’s super catholic and has black hair.”
I went in to Ben and Jerry’s with my mom and her friend, and the friend asked for “Schweaty Balls.”
There has to be a scientific explanation for that distinct smell that all old people have.
UNT’s campus smells terrible this year; it smells like someone shit in all the flowerbeds. Come on UNT, get your shit figured out…literally.
I hate, hate, when the parking lots are full and some bitch walks out and gets in her car and just sits there. Sure, it’s not like I need to park to get to my class or anything; you sit there and keep texting your friend about what outfit to wear tonight, that’s fine.