Random Thoughts of the Week: July 27th-August 2nd

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  • I know I talk about this a lot, but good lord do people not own mirrors? They’re barely wearing any clothes.

  • I wish people would get some thicker skin. Why are people so sensitive? Who cares if people insult you, why do you care what someone else thinks? Just say thank you, it always throws them off.

  • Am I the only person who finds zodiac signs fascinating. Like, when they describe the characteristics of a sign and they’re almost completely spot on. How the hell does that work? Why are people alike just because they were born in a certain range of days?

  • I was told by a customer that I was “having too much fun and need to do some work.” Apparently he can’t recognize my “I’m in hell” face.

  • I had a grandma ask me if Ted was for kids and I told her it was rated R. She then asked me if kids would understand it; understand the rated R content or the fact that talking teddy bears aren’t real? I must have looked confused because she asked me, “its about a teddy bear right?” What part of “It’s rated R” is confusing?

  • I asked an older woman how she was and she told me that a guy just tried to kill her. I started laughing and asked her if he really “tried” to kill her. She didn’t find it as amusing.

  • I saw a 40 something year old mother wearing a “keep calm and party on” shirt. I don’t think she realizes that taking naps and drinking wine on the weekends counts as “partying.”

  • I told a girl, probably 17 or 18, that her movie was on her right and she held up her fingers to know which direction to go.

  • Why are car dealership commercials so annoying? “Are you thinking about buying a new car blah blah blah?” I’ll go buy a car from you just to run you over with it.

  • It’s senior day on Tuesdays and I had a kid come up and say, “I need one ticket for Batman and I’m a senior in high school so a senior ticket.” I told him that it was for seniors and he said, “yeah, I’m a senior.” I tried to clarify that it was for old people and he was still looking at me like I was explaining nuclear physics. My last try before I slapped him was, “it’s for people 60 and older.” Ding ding ding we have a winner! “Oh, like senior citizens?”

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