Anytime someone says, “oh you’re gonna love them” I never do. Not once has that ever been true; in fact, I’ll probably really dislike them. Don’t ever tell someone this, because they’ll have expectations and those expectations will never be met.
You shouldn’t make a joke if you don’t know for sure that you’re funny, at least not to a large group of people.
People who do a lot of PDA are disgusting. I was at a party where a girl was basically giving her boyfriend a lap dance. Really? He should have given her a few dollar bills so it could at least be legit. Get a fucking room!
I was driving home at about 1:00am and there was a construction sign that said “various lanes closed.” What the fuck does that mean? Do I just pick a lane and hope that I pick the right one?
If you’ve talked to someone less than 5 times, I don’t suggest you make a sarcastic comment about what they’re wearing…especially if it’s not funny.
If you pull up the camera on your iPhone and it’s flipped so that you see your own face, that should be your sign that you take too many pictures of yourself.
My professor wouldn’t let us turn in our tests until at least 45 minutes after we started. I take tests in 15-20 minutes, or 25-30 if I haven’t studied. He asked us, “do you really think you can take a test in 15 minutes?”
I was told, just the other day, by my black friend that I was one of the only two white people on her wedding list and that she thought I’d fit right in.
Maybe it’s just me, but I get really disappointed when an orange isn’t juicy.
Talking about someone bragging about themselves: my mothers says, “oh please, don’t choke on your own penis in your mouth.” Ladies and gentleman, my mother.