Apparently my mind was working overtime with the witty comments and thoughts this week because I’ve got quite a few of them to share with you.
- I have this super feminist chick in my class who goes bat-shit crazy any time we get on a remotely touchy subject (she was the one I mentioned last time, the one I told my friend I thought was a crazy bitch). She is in two of my classes, which are back to back, so I get a double dose of crazy every Tuesday and Thursday. Last week she flipped out on this guy because we were talking about self defense and concealed handguns, and this guy said that he has a handgun license and that, “sometimes you have to do what you have to do.” She just yelled at him, “Over skittles!” because that’s supposedly what Trayvon Martin was carrying when the neighborhood watch guy shot him. Also, the week before that, we were in my Sexual Behavior class and we were doing an exercise where people could ask the opposite gender a question they’ve always wanted to know the answer to and she asked the men why they can’t understand the term no. One guy said that some women just like to play hard to get so you keep working on them and eventually they’ll say yes. She went on a tangent about coercion and rape…and it was insane. She needs some sort of medication so level her out a little bit.
- I had a feeling that the girl driving behind me was going to rear end me at some point and she got damn close. It’s like a super power, being able to read people and having a feeling about them. That, or I made an assumption off the sorority sticker on the back of her car when I passed her putting on her make up and fixing her hair. I’m completely surprised she didn’t crash with all that she was doing back there.
- I feel like prettier people shop at Target and not Walmart…
- Why is it that most of the attractive people smoke? You’re ruining the appeal; seriously, stop it right now.
- I’m too judgmental to work in retail. I can hardly sell someone a movie ticket without thinking to myself, “really? You’re a 20 year old guy, why are you going to watch This Means War?”
- The security guards where I work ride around on segways; I’m pretty sure that no one takes them seriously. Just the other day I pulled in and one was hopping his happy ass over a speed bump. He should be embarrassed. Later on I was taking the trash out and he rolled up and asked me if I needed any help. Oh, you’re going to get your ass off your little toy and help me? That doesn’t make you any more manly…you can’t recover from riding a Segway.
- Law and Order was on when I woke up one morning, which isn’t surprising considering it’s on 24/7, and I realized that I don’t know how anyone could be a defense attorney. Sure, if you truly think they’re innocent it’s not hard, but what about when you know they’re guilty; how do they do it in good conscience? Especially when all of the evidence points to their guilt? I think I’d quit rather quickly.
- I was talking to a parent from my soccer team and she asked if she needed to bring a ball and I told her, “extra balls is never a problem.” If I was talking to anyone else I would have laughed.
- I also told a soccer mom that it was my first year coaching and she proceeded to ask me which child was mine…I’m sorry, what? How old does she think I am? This isn’t some sort of 16 and pregnant shit.
- I usually keep my tv on for background noise or something to fall asleep to, but if I do that I have to keep it on a certain channel (ESPN). I do that because I don’t want to contribute to ratings for a shitty show. For instance, the other night I was watching a movie on TBS and fell asleep without changing the channel and I wake up to whatever new show that Tyler Perry has so “cleverly” added his name to. I cannot stand that guy and any kind of work he is involved with.
- I can’t stand when a sports announcer says, “they’re really playing to win” or “wow, they’re in it to win it.”. No shit? Is this what they’re paying you for, captain obvious? I’ve never met someone who played a sport that was playing to lose.
- I think I’ve taken a number of years off my life with the amount of times I wake up thinking it’s a different day than it actually is and that I’m running late. I woke up today thinking my alarm didn’t go off and that I was going to miss my test; with the amount of panic I experience, you would think someone is trying to kill me.