- I don’t like when I can’t decide whether I want the fan on or not when I go to bed…it turns into a lot of getting up and laying back down.
- You know the trucks with the “how am I driving” sticker on the back? Do you think telling them, “he’s driving too fucking slow,” is a legitimate complaint?
- I could never have kids; I don’t want them, but now I know for sure that I would never make it as a parent. I had to clean up vomit twice in one night at work and I barely made it without adding to the pile of vomit. Seriously, I don’t know how parents deal with that mess.
- I was sitting down “surfing the net” and I had ESPN on in the background and they had an NBA special edition game on. It was featuring “Nueva York and Los Bulls;” Last I checked, which was just a second ago, the spanish word for bull is toro. Come on now NBA, it’s not that difficult.
- I choose my music carefully when I drive around with my windows down and music blaring. I don’t want to be jammin’ out to Tupac and then have music from the soundtrack to Wicked come on.
- I had a girl come up and order a small popcorn and she could get a medium for the same price, so I asked her is she wanted to upgrade it…she said to me, “no I’ll stick with the small; I don’t want to get fat.” I’m sorry, what? She was like 9 years old…
- I wish I had it in me to cut off the people who come up to me and ask me to sign up for something, but I can’t and they just continue to harass me with their sales pitch. Seriously, a banker hunted me down in the aisles of Wal-Mart and I just let him keep talking. I told him I’d think about what he was offering; I wasn’t planning on it, and he knew that so he told me, “Don’t tell me you’ll think about it and then go out the other door to avoid me.” That’s exactly what I did! I left on the completely other side of the store and walked through the parking lot to avoid him.
- I don’t like that awkward moment when you wave at someone you thought was waving at you…especially when you realize that they were probably just fixing their hair.
- The old woman in my learning and memory class talk like she’s always surprised or in awe of something…it’s extremely frustrating.