I Actually Have Feelings…..and I Don’t Like It

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I don’t express emotions very well; I’m more of the keep-it-all-inside type of person. I’m best at looking angry and showing I’m happy via laughter, but that’s about it. The rest of the time I’m straight faced with a monotone voice. I always joke about how I don’t have feelings and that I don’t have tear ducts, but this past week I was stunned at how I reacted to some random woman’s situation.

I work at a movie theatre that is next to a bunch of shops and some restaurants. People usually get a little tipsy, if not completely hammered, and then come to see a movie so they can relax for 2 hours and kill the buzz they’ve got going. So, on to the moment that almost broke my heart because, contrary to popular belief, I do have one. It was last Sunday around 5:00PM and it was a slow day at the theatre, so we were all just standing around, when we look outside and see this older woman start to wobble a little bit and then face plant in the middle of the street. Most people think shit like that is hilarious, like America’s Funniest Videos, but I am one of the rare few who don’t. These two guys ended up grabbing her by her arms and helping her over to a bench outside, and then came inside the theatre to ask if she could sit on a bench inside. We said yes, and they brought her in while we got her a glass of water. I think we all thought she was just dehydrated, but then one of the guys who helped her out told my manager that he should call the cops. Turns out, this woman didn’t know where she lived and she was drunk. So, my manager called the police and asked me to keep an eye on her while she did that. When she was finished, she came over and stood with me and we asked her if she needed anything. She looked up from her cell phone and, with the saddest voice I’ve ever heard, said, “I don’t have anybody.” That has to have been one of the saddest moments I’ve ever been a part of. It was so utterly heartbreaking to hear her say that and watch her try, for 15 minutes, to get ahold of someone to come and pick her up to take her home. I teared up when she said that, because I’ve always been a big proponent of a person not needing to get married and have kids to have a happy life; seeing this made me realize that it is such a sad way to live. The cops and medics showed up and finally got in touch with her extremely old father, and he showed up to take her home. If he hadn’t come to get her, she would have been arrested and taken to jail for public intoxication. When he got there she was crying and apologizing, it was like she reverted back into this young child who knew her father was disappointed in her; she kept hugging him and asking him if he was mad. This 60 year old woman had a swollen cheek and bleeding elbow, didn’t have a way of getting home, and nobody but her father to come and help her. Even sitting here writing about it makes me want to cry, because it was such a heart wrenching moment to watch this woman go through.

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