The Tale of the Wisdom Teeth


So my brother just recently had his wisdom teeth taken out, and Alex wanted me to tell a story so I decided I’d share my wisdom teeth experience with you all.

I had heard all the horror stories going into it, about how much pain there was and how swollen the cheeks would get and all of that good stuff; I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about how my own experience would turn out, but what happened to me was definitely not what I imagined.

Alright, let’s see….I thought it was going to be good a good time, because when they were prepping me they hooked me up with some sweet jams to listen to throughout the whole thing. They hit me with the laughing gas first and then hooked me up to the anesthetic. For the time being, I’m feeling pretty damn good.

They do their thing and poke around in my mouth for a good long while and when I wake up is when the real fun begins. Let me say that drugs do not tend to work on me, but then again I’ve never tried horse tranquilizers…those might work. So, I wake up completely coherent, not groggy at all and I’m feeling pretty good. However, when I look down at my hands I realize that the IV is now in my left hand when it started out in my right, and they are swollen like crazy. I mean seriously I looked like I had Mickey Mouse hands. 

Next thing I know, the nurse walks over and says, “looks like we have some build up.” She seemed so non-chalant about it, that I was thinking she was going to just let it be and it would be fine. No such luck for me! Instead this bitch takes her hands and slams them down on top of mine. No warning, no “hey this might hurt (a lot),” or “I’m going to have to hit you real quick.” She just went for it. Now that doesn’t seem so bad when you think about someone doing that to you right now, but think about it happening after having a needle in there and then the anesthetic shooting into your veins (that shit burns) when she does it. I could not have been more pissed off! I wanted to seriously harm this woman with every fiber of my being.

After that joyous experience, I was walked out to the car where my mother was waiting for me, and all she could see was that I had tears in my eyes. She asked me what happened and of course I tried to tell her, but I had gauze in my mouth and was not speaking any kind of understandable english. Other than that I was perfectly fine. Not really any pain, and even if there was hydrocodone does nothing for me.

So there we are, the worst part of my wisdom teeth experience was all because of some crazy bitch of a nurse.

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