Open Letter #1: Dorm Fire Alarm

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I wrote this “letter” towards the beginning of this year. The dorm i was living in had an extremely sensitive fire alarm, and it would go off ALL THE TIME. I put this on Facebook, so only my friends saw it. And anyone who happened to find it on Tumblr. 

So I decided to put it on here too 🙂

Dear Fire Alarm,

I hate you. I am anti-you. As a fire alarm, it is your job to warn me of impending doom via fire. Lately, I have lost all faith in your ability to do your job.


I understand that you make mistakes. Like when somebody who can’t cook is in the kitchen, and you get scared.

But it’s times like last night that make me want to punch you in your nonexistent face.

As you know, I have had difficulty falling asleep these last few days. Last night, after 45 minutes of tossing, turning, and having my mind overloaded with random thoughts I finally drifted off to Dreamland. There I was in a world where I was surrounded by gorgeous men, and I could eat as much as I wanted without gaining an ounce of weight.

 It was then that you decided to go bat shit crazy.

I don’t know what compelled you to go off at 1 A.M, and I don’t care. What I do know is that you managed to make my rage meter shoot from content to OMFGI’mgonnakillsomebody in .3 seconds (a new personal record).

What’s worse it that you are a ninja. You don’t just suddenly go off loudly. You like to sneak up on me like you’re freakin Jaws.

You’re desire to make my night terrible did not end there. Because you decided to have a little hissy fit, I had to climb off my lofted 5′ 6″ bed (in the dark), find shoes (in the dark), and cover myself up.

I don’t know if you are aware of this, but I wear very little clothing to bed. Bedtime is when I can wear booty shorts and a tight cami without making somebody go blind. If I didn’t have a roommate, there is a 97% chance that I would never wear pants in my room.


 

So now I am angry, awake, and being forced to walk outside in the 50 degree windy weather through recently wet grass in flip flops, a cami with light jacket, and Superman boxers. As if I didn’t already hate this situation, I remember I only know about 7 people in my dorm. These strangers do not need to see me in my skivvies.

Basically what I’m saying is that I’d rather die in a fire than hear you ever go off again.

-Alex

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